Chapter 5: The Exploders
Raw emotions won’t sit
quietly awaiting further instructions. They’ll move—outward if we explode and
inward if we stuff. That’s what makes raw emotions so complicated. They come
from out of nowhere and run us slap-over (60).
We talked about how raw
emotions and discipline are different- A great correlation to schools and how
we should teach our children the correct way to respond- also by leading by
example
Do not check in with the screaming demands of the
world before you exchange whispers with God (62).
We don’t want our shame to
be our reality. Sip the shame so you won’t have to guzzle the regret. In other
words, taste a little bit of the shame of letting it all rip before you find
yourself drowning in gallons of unwanted regret (63).
The last thing we want to
do is exchange unhealthy exploding for unhealthy stuffing. The balance is soul
integrity where honesty is godly (64).
Finding My Soul Integrity in God’s Perspective
Knowing what we need doesn’t always translate into wanting
what we need.
When we dump hurt into one another’s lives we aren’t leveling
the conflict scale. We are just weighing down the people side of the scale and
elevating the Satan side of the scale. Satan loves it when we do his work for him by dumping on
each other. (65)
The secret to healthy conflict resolution isn’t taking a
you-against-me stance, but realizing it’s all of us against Satan—he’s the real enemy. (65-66)
“A
moment of conflict handled the right way is hands down one of the grandest
opportunities we have to shame Satan back to Hell. A Jesus girl who rises up
and unexpectedly gives grace when she surely could have done otherwise reveals
the power and mystery of Christ at work in her life and in the world.”
Ephesians 6:19 says Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I
will fearlessly make known the
mystery of the gospel. The
placement of this verse is crucial & intentional. After we remember who the
real enemy is- and that the person who hurt us is NOT our enemy- we must carefully
consider the words we speak to this person. (65) What a choice we must make!
Crafting
a Response Template-(67-68)
Must practice this- seems good for email,
might need some preparing if you were to confront someone face to face
1. Begin by honoring the offended
a. not easy sometimes- but remember that
giving honor reveals more about my character that the character of the other
person
2. Keep your response short and full of grace
a. Difficult for women, we like to talk
(Guilty)
b. Acknowledge the expressed hurt
c. Clarify intentions
d. Gentle honesty about issue at hand
e. Apology (if appropriate)
f.
Line
asking for Grace
3. End by extending compassion
a. Why not be the rare person who offers
love to this hard-to-love person?
b. Something as simple as- With Grace,
Thank you, Blessings if love and compassion is not sincere- don’t fake it
So Remember…. H.G.C.
Honor- Grace-Compassion
Reactions are typically hard words used to prove how wrong
the other person is. No good ever comes from this. (Proverbs 15:1) Choosing a
gently reply doesn’t mean you are weak; it actually means you possess a rare
and godly strength. (68)
This all shall pass. And, in the end, it’s good for me to
remember that it isn’t my job to fix people. That’s God’s job. My job is to be
obedient to God in the midst of my own set of issues. (69)
Self Control
It is hard to display self control when someone else does
things out of my control that yank m emotions into a bad place. Remember,
feelings are indicators, not dictators.
They can indicate there is a situation I need to deal with, but they
shouldn’t dictate how I react, I have a choice. The one who holds their tongue
is the one who holds the power. (72)
Isaiah 55:10-11 says Gods word will not return empty. The
answer to keeping God’s power with me and working in me to produce self-control
is letting God’s word get inside me. Here is my new tactic: start quoting God’s Word in the
present tense. (73) Oh the power of the Word of the Lord. Either way, processing things scripturally in
the present tense keeps my heart in a better place. (Quoting scripture about
anxiety always helps me) This is so important because when we operate
according to God’s Word, we operate according to God’s will. (74)
Proverbs 29:18 talks about how without divine communication
(prayer) people cast off restraint. (75) We desperately need restraint and
without open communication with the Lord we cast it off. It is just like a
friend or spouse- are you close to that person if you never talk to them? No-
so the same goes for the Lord. The more we talk to him and spend time with him-
the close we are to him, the more our lives should reflect him.
Self
control is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It’s the external expression of our
relationship with God. Holy restraint is the seed of the fruit. It’s the
internal experience of living with Christ and applying His truths to my life. It’s deciding I’m not just going to ingest his truths…I’m going to digest his truths by making them a part of who I am and how I live. (75)
Once we develop that holy restraint from an internal
experience with God, we can have external expressions that honor God. God’s
Word – his divine communication at work in us internally—really can help us
externally when we’re tempted to be exploders who blame. (76)
The only way I can see what God is doing and attend to what
He reveals is to get quiet with Him. 5
Things that are “balm for the raw edges of the soul on verge of exploding”-
Start each sentence with…”In the quiet…”
11.
We
feel safe enough to humble ourselves
a. Ask God to speak truth to my heart in
order for things to start making sense
22.
God
lifts us up to a more rational place
33.
Anxiety
gives way to progress
a. Letting Jesus work on me is where
real progress happens
44.
We
acknowledge that our real enemy isn’t the other person.
a. 1st Peter 5:8-9 Be
self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking
for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith
55. God
will use this conflict for good—no matter how it turns out.
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